I was talking with a friend.

Her complaint was that too often the camera pans off into the distance just as the really lustful stuff happens. Writers wax poetic about heaving bossums and flushed cheeks but the actual “in and out” is glossed over or just never covered.

It’s wanting the filth, she said, that makes her read most stories and watch most movies any way.

“You just faded to black,” she complained after reading about that restaurant bathroom hook up I had a few months back with Jackie.

“Uh, you sort of started with her and then… nothing. You’re a tease,” she said of the back seat almost make out session I had with Stephanie.

Well, excuse me, but I’m not writing porn (I’ve tried and it’s really crappy).

I’ve also got a couple of things going on here that guide me on this writing adventure.

For starters, this is my life here. I’m not just going to make shit up to keep people titillated.

And then you’ve got the whole “Gentleman’s Code” that needs to be honored. A gentleman does not just blab away about his romantic encounters. These are real people. They deserve some privacy.

Lots of things go on that I don’t think I need to let the whole world know about.

For instance, Jessie thinks we are best buddies forever now. Maybe we will be good friends for a long time, but that doesn’t mean that she should regularly change clothes in front of me.

At least twice a week she’ll appear topless in some room in the house to chat about some nonsense girl stuff.

If I started writing about how surprisingly dark her nipples are (they look like a pair of Hershey’s Kisses) I think that would be crossing a line. So I’m not going to do that.

I also refuse to write about how she is insanely loud when having sex and actually calls out her own name while going at it. That’s too personal to share.

There are loads of stuff I could tell you about Theo that, even though I don’t really like him, I will never share. I really don’t think it’s anyone else’s business, for instance, that Theo keeps a tub of Crisco in the garage by his bed to lube up in order to masturbate. Yah, it’s weird and funny and he sometimes smells like my mother’s cooking but I think it is wrong to tell you these things so I will not do it.

And I’ve got a long, long history with Jackie and there are loads of things I’m learning about Stephanie but I’m just not going to stoop so low as to share their sexual proclivities with a bunch of strangers just so I can bring in more blog hits.

So I’m not going to tell you that Jackie can pin her ankles behind her head. I’m also not going to tell you that Stephanie rarely wears underwear and how convenient this can be when you are going through a car wash.

I am a gentleman.

I do not kiss and tell.

I will fade to black.