Tag Archives: cheating

Dear Gilda: Lets be friends and fake cancer

I thought I’d give Dear Abby a break and pick on Dr Gilda instead…

Q: After 5 months, the guy I’m dating said, “We’re fine, but we are not evolving. Let’s be friends.” I’m a 49-year-old divorced mom, who has had many inappropriate relationships during the last 7 years of unmarried life. This man and I have the most compatible and respectful relationship I have been in — maybe forever. What do I do? — I Know Better!

Dear I Know Better,
Clearly, the five-monther thinks that HE “knows better” about what’s best. Your pursuit of an unavailable man may be more of the same “inappropriate relationship” pattern you’ve been following. The question is not how to turn this guy around; it’s how to identify these signs of inappropriateness before they dent you.
The first step to knowing better is to admit your 7-year itch has left you only with scratch marks. Girl, digest this Gilda-Gram: “If he’s mine, I can’t lose him. If he’s not, I don’t want him.” You don’t want what’s not accessible. Get counseling to learn how to let go of unhealthy attractions. Loving someone who returns your feelings is proof that you “know better.” — Dr. Gilda

Lazlo says:
Hold up, how inappropriate were these relationships? Are we talking “home wrecker” inappropriate or “working a glory hole at a Loves gasoline station” inappropriate?
Does it really matter? No.
This dude doesn’t like you. Move on. You can never be “just friends” with someone after they cut off the sex. Cause, lets face it, who is a better friend than the one who will fuck you silly?

Q: I have been with my girlfriend for two years and am very excited to introduce her to my mom. Before me, she was in a serious relationship for 3 years with another guy. They broke up 3 years ago, but now he has cancer, and she’s been visiting him at the hospital. This is fine with me.
She told me later she met his girlfriend, who didn’t know about their previous relationship — and freaked. They all sat down, talked about the situation, and agreed they want to support his fight against his disease. Now that he’s home and on chemo, my girlfriend and her ex hang out with my knowledge.
The issue is that his girlfriend is never included, and my girlfriend doesn’t know if she’s even aware of these visits. This guy is putting a strain on his relationship and mine. Am I wrong? What are the ground rules for this? —Just Want Peace

Dear Just Want Peace,
You are not wrong for wanting a perfect little love boat; who doesn’t? But you ARE wrong to think that others should conform to those neatly packaged “ground rules” you’d like to live by. What your girlfriend’s ex tells his new love is not your business.
Your giving gal is open with you, yet you deem your relationship “strained.” It IS strained when you say the support she’s providing her ex is “fine,” yet you have a temper tantrum over not being the center of attention. Buddy, this show’s not about you.
Right now, your girlfriend most needs your appreciation. If you want her love, be lovable. As it stands, all you’re in line to get is a pacifier for your whining and a door for your exit. —Dr. Gilda

Lazlo says:
She is fucking her ex boyfriend. Her blowing him once a day is probably on his “Make a Wish Foundation” list.
Odds are, he doesn’t even have cancer. He probably faked it to steal her back from you. Well played pseudo chemo kid, well played.
My advice?
Sounds like his lady friend needs a heads up as to how many times he’s spilling his seed all over yer gal’s face.
Maybe you kids can just swap partners?

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That State of Denial

There comes a breaking point.

Anyone who has ever lived a life worth talking about knows what I mean.

You try to keep it restrained. You do everything you can think of to contain your natural drives until finally… you simply rip open.

No amount of therapy, medication, shame, religion or love can stop you from eventually doing what is encoded in your brain.

It’s like a dog that has been beaten and scolded and schooled into not chasing cars.

One car comes driving past, a second, a third and then finally… He fucking explodes and does his best to subdue a Tahoe with a squealing timing belt. And when the car passes all of his training is lost. He’s all over the neighborhood. You can’t get him to come home until finally, he is completely spent.

So I’m thinking why bother?

What is the point in denying yourself until you physically hurt?

Is it not better to recognize your need and pursue it in a more careful and measured manner?

You’ve seen this, I know.

Maybe a friend who holds off drinking until finally their thirst shoves a whole bottle of gin into their gullet.

It could be that dutiful spouse who pushes that longing for something else until they are left empty and are forced to refill themselves in a rapid succession of partners they hardly know, much less care about.

So how should we live? Do we let that water rise until the dam finally bursts or do you find a safety valve that lets you slowly ease the flood waters downstream?

Tell me…

 

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Yer Cheating Heart

Cheating or Not?
You were only holding hands in a park, with your pants off

Back on Twitter, which, actually, is a lot more like real life than anything else on the interwebs, I got thrown into a cheating debate a couple months back.

It started when someone’s someone went off to a strip club for the night and never came home.

One side said strip clubs aren’t cheating, the other side said they are.

But let’s face it, if the person you love is not coming home as expected something is wrong and damaged.

I don’t really understand why when someone is in a monogamous relationship and they have sexy time with someone else it is called “cheating.” It’s more like “promise breaking” or “lieing like a rug.”

Cheating or Not?
When you tell a friend you’ll do anything for them, you gotta follow through with the promise

What really confuses the hell out of me is the new phenom known as having an “emotional affair.” Seriously, last time I checked that’s called being friends.

So your friend happens to be of another gender. So your friend happens to look good. So your friend happens to know things your significant other doesn’t know. What’s the big deal?

I mean, do you really want to know EVERYTHING your mate is thinking about anyway?

In my opinion, a really strong relationship is built on love and trust with sprinkles of white lies tossed in to keep the magic glowing.

We tell them all the time:

“No, you can barely see that zit on your chin.”

“I’m sure you will win next time.”

“Wow, this is delicious.”

“I want to do whatever you want today.”

If this good friend, who happens to be attractive through no fault of their own, also happens to be the same person that you have an easier time being honest with about your worries, fears and hopes…

I don’t see a problem there if you aren’t getting physical.

Cheating or Not?
Because “No” is such an ugly word

If your partner does stray how would you like it to happen?

Do you want them to go out, drink a little too much and “accidentally” bump uglies with a stranger next to a dumpster behind the bar?

Is it better if it’s someone they know and trust and maybe their is some sort of connection on some level but you are still No. 1 in their life?

It’s a tough call, right?

And then if it happens under either scenario can you ever really trust them again?

First, ask yourself who this cheater is:

1) The hardcore cheater will always cheat. It’s what they are into. It’s what turns them on. It’s what makes them feel alive and provides them with an escape from the dull routine of reality. You can’t ever trust this person sexually.

2) The one-off cheater is a little different. They’ve either been thrown into a situation that just about anyone would have a problem saying “No” to (for me it would be the original Charlie’s Angels cast popping up in prime form on my front door). It’s a toss up here. How many times are they going to accidentally find themself judging a sorority pledge class popsicle sucking contest?

3) Then there is the “fell in love” cheater. Through no fault of their own, they’ve stumbled across someone else. Love happens. You probably can’t trust this person, but you will also probably never catch them cheating because if they love you too, then you will never find out and you will never notice a difference in their behaviour. You also need to recognize that you’ve probably failed as a partner and taken them for granted and gotten so damn lazy that they are moving on.

Cheating or Not?
Tantric Sex is more religion than love making, right?

So where are we now, at the end of this rambling mess of a blog post that I never should have started but will definitely finish?

In honor of fucked up romantics everywhere let’s do a Jerry Springer style “Lazlo’s Thought”….

(make sure you read this in a hokey fashion. Try to ignore the fact some white trash just stripped naked and beat the crap out of each other for your amusement. Make sure you sound equal parts “wise sage” and “holier than thou”)

Lazlo’s Thoughts:

“Can you ever trust a cheater? Yes, you can. You can trust them to stray. To find love elsewhere. To become bored easily. But if you try to trust them to stay true and faithful you are only cheating yourself. I think it’s best to recognize the cheater for who they are and what they will do. They will never be monogamous but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be a friend when you need one.

And please remember, if you are demanding perfection from your mate, perhaps you should make sure that you reach perfectionas a person first. Take care.”

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